"Don't Steal Music," Redux
When Apple announced yesterday that they were plunging into the turbulent and financially murky waters of online music, my first reaction was, "Why?" The music industry's going down in flames, and rightfully so: years of shilling massively overpriced crap to increasingly cynical consumers have finally caught up , and the results aren't pretty. Meanwhile, online filesharing has mutated into a ten-thousand-pound mecha-gorilla that's broken every legal leash that's been tossed at it and throttled every unsuspecting record company that's wandered too close to its cage. You don't mess with that gorilla voluntarily. And, as Sony has demonstrated so nicely, you certainly don't mess with that gorilla if you're trying to sell portable music devices at the same time.
So, why? The iPod is sheer brilliance as far as design and useability goes, and all Apple had to do was build in some minor constraints to keep it from being used to transfer songs from one computer to another and slap a "Don't Steal Music" sticker on the front, and that was it: presto, the best MP3 player in the universe. And if some college student sucked up university bandwith to get some of his thousand songs from Kazaa, well, hey, that wasn't Apple's fault. Why screw with a good thing for the sake of the black-hearted record labels and risk turning the glorious iPod into Sony's digital Walkman, a schizophrenic device so hamstrung by internal copy-protection restraints that it may as well be sobbing helplessly on its therapist's couch?
But Apple was doing it, and since Apple's proven to have a better understanding of how consumers actually USE their stuff than any manufacturing company I've ever seen, I had to give it a try. So here's how it went:
Last night, I downloaded iTunes 4. I browsed around the Apple Music Store. I saw they had a couple exclusive tracks by U2 and Counting Crows. I listened to thirty-second samplings of said tracks, then bought a few, for ninety-nine cents each. With my high-speed cable connection, I had them on my hard drive in about ten seconds each. Total average transaction time? Maybe a minute and a half. Even better, I could get that catchy Matchbox Twenty single that I heard on the radio and not have to suffer the near-fatal embarrassment that would come with actually buying the album.
(At this point, I have to mention the brilliance of Apple's pricing. It's not $1.00 per song: it's $0.99. Consumer sees $0.99, they think, damn, I've got that much floating in my couch. The effect that that one cent can have on sales, especially on impulse purchases, can't be exaggerated.)
Now I'm listening to Wilco's "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot," which I'd been meaning to buy for a while, and which was available on the Music Store for $9.99 (not $10.00, note). If I went to Virgin and bought it, I'd be lucky if I walked out with it for under fifteen bucks, after taxes, and then there's the travel time, ripping time, time spent messing with that goddamn sticker, etc., etc. Instead, I bought it this morning as I sat at the computer in my underwear and had it playing in under five minutes. iTunes even downloaded the cover art automatically, and you know how I feel about cover art. And yes, I'm aware of the irony of purchasing online an album I could have downloaded for free when Wilco put it on their website after their current label refused to release it. That's part of the reason I bought it; I'm a big fan of irony.
So anyway, this looks like it could be a good thing, despite the drawbacks. Is $0.99 for a single and $9.99 for an album still way overpriced? Yes; not as bad as it would be in the store, but still enough to be insulting. Could I have downloaded the same thing for free through Acquisition? Yes, given the time and patience to find the track and deal with dropped connections and the requisite multiple downloads after the first attempt had lousy sound quality and the second cut off unexpectedly halfway through. Is it a bit much of Steve Jobs to think this new service will set the world on fire when it currently works only on Apple's iTunes (though a PC version is coming soon) and iPods, and Apple only has about 3% of the market share? Yeah, a bit. Is the whole thing useless if you don't have a high-speed Internet connection? Yeah, but if you're still on dial-up, then you're probably still hunting your food with sharp rocks, and downloading the latest Eminem single is the least of your problems. Will I occasionally have to contend with the awful gut-wrenching feeling of waking up bleary after a night at the pub to find that I now have Kelly Clarkson's entire catalog sprawled on my hard drive? Undoubtedly. There's certainly more than a few kinks in the system.
But it's a hell of a good start.
I Spit Upon Your Grave
I know it's going to suck, but now I have to see this movie just to see how they set up such a ridiculous scene...
My Design Skillz = Sux
I'm still not pleased with the new layout. Lacks pizzaz. Too much white space in some places, too crowded in others. The header's not bad, and I'm glad I got the three-column layout working (with a ton of help), but it's not where I want it to be yet. The time needed to get it there, unfortunately, is currently a rare commodity. I've got other things I need to do, for now.
On the plus side, thanks to Hivelogic's Enkoder, I should be getting less spam, which is a good thing.
Now I need something that'll allow me to sync up my bookmarks on my laptop and my desktop. Someone want to find me that?
Bad Bunny
I just want to close out this Easter with a public service announcement:
Remember, kids, the Easter Bunny is NOT your friend.
Easter
Hey, look, it's Easter Sunday. Jesus rose from the dead today. Welcome back, Jesus!
Happy Easter, everyone.
Do Not Adjust Your Browser...
...I'm just screwing with the site format a bit.
Now you're thinking, "Dare he implement a three-column format? DARE HE?"
The answer is, yes, but not very well. I'm working on it, though...
New Header
Yes, that's Avril Lavigne. So sue me. I got bored with my old header.
Avril fans may now go read an in-depth analysis of "SK8R BOI" by Kieron Gillen, who clearly listens to too much pop music.
My New Favorite App
As amazingly great as this whole Rip-Mix-Burn age of digital music is, I've found that such greatness comes with a price:
I no longer have any idea what the cover art to most of my CDs looks like.
A small consequence, yes, but to me, an important one. I LIKED the cover art, y'see. The first thing I tended to do, when I bought a new album, was lie on my bed and check out the artwork and the liner notes while playing it on my stereo. Nowadays, this is how it goes: CD comes out of the bag (yes, I'm a capitalist caveman who still buys my music), out of the wrapper and that incredibly annoying sticker that a dozen years of technological advancement have somehow unable to erradicate, and into the computer. Then, its elegant design and packaging reduced to mere delivery materials, the thing goes under the bed or in a box or wherever I'm tossing the things at the moment. All the sweat and tears and imagination and toil that went into creating that artwork, and now it's nothing more than a used envelope.
Enter Clutter, a clever little application that automatically downloads and displays the cover art of whatever you happen to be listening to in iTunes, both on your OS X desktop and in the dock. Voila. My CDs have faces again.
Big smiles to Mena and Ben at Six Log for finding this one and Sprote Rrsch for doing it up.
Now I have to check out iCommune...
Geekgasm
I'm not normally one to geek out about this kind of thing, but the Matrix Reloaded trailer is really super-cool.
And This Is A Short Story
So I'm reading McSweeney's Mammoth Treasury of Thrilling Tales (edited by Embassy favorite Michael Chabon), and it's just got me itching to write a short story, or finish one I've already started.
At times like these, I'd love to sit up with a glass of whiskey, pounding away at the keyboard and letting the words burst on the screen until dawn, like a Real Writer, possessed by the muse, touched by the Spirit. But then I remember that I have to get up at seven tomorrow for work, and that I love sleep.
I need more hours in the day. Or a less comfortable bed.
This Is The True Story...
...of love gone wrong in the weblog age. Geek meets geekette, geek falls in love, geek gushes about geekette on weblog, geek learns geekette's terrible secret from a regular blog reader, geek confronts geekette in dramatic Chandler-esque climax, with a little Columbo-fu thrown in for good measure. Tragic, scary, and entertaining as hell. So Go Read It.
Me (very calmly): What's the difference between HTTP GET and POST?
New Girl (taken aback): ?uh, what?
Me: GET and POST. What's the difference?
New Girl (looking somewhat rattled): You...You've got to be fucking kidding.
Her body language changed to a more defensive stance. I leaned forward and smiled. At this point, even after all the evidence that had been presented to me, I still had the tiniest bit of hope that everyone was wrong about New Girl. I needed to hear an admission -- either intentional or accidental -- from New Girl herself. If I kept the pressure on, she would either cave and admit everything or make a mistake.
Me: I'm not kidding. C'mon, if you're really a Web programmer, you'd know this. This is straight out of chapter one of "Web Forms for Dummies".
New Girl: I refuse to answer this question. Such a simple question...it's...it's insulting!
Me: Answer it, and you'll shoot such a big hole in Whistleblower's story that I'd have to believe you. And trust me, right now, the evidence makes you look like the liar..
New Girl: I won't answer it! I know the answer, but you still won't believe me if I give it to you!
Me: You know, if you accused me of not being a programmer, I'd be dropping mad computer science on your head. I'd be saying "Get me in front of a machine! I'll write 'Hello World' in half a dozen languages!"
New Girl: But I'm not you!
Me: And you're not a programmer. You're a damned liar.
This guy's my new hero.
An Open Letter to Michael Malice
Dear Mike,
It pains me to tell you this, but I no longer want to be linked with your website. While I've been able to accept your blatantly racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, anti-Semetic and anorexic tirades as part and parcel of the Michael Malice package, I have recently discovered evidence (shown below) linking you with a much greater evil. Rest assured, I will have no association with someone who socializes so freely with genocidal dictators. So, regrettably, I must request that you remove my link from your page.
Regards,
Eric Kurzenberger
Nutters
 |
"Police have released video of a man who marched down Cardiff's main streets in his underpants, smashing 43 shop windows with a spade." |
Found on Grammarporn, along with yet another reason why I hate the French.
In other news, don't forget to turn your clocks ahead...
What Is It Good For? Absolutely Nothing.
| "War has shattered many young men's dreams/We've got no place for it today/ They say we must fight to keep our freedom but Lord/There's just got to be a better way." |  |
Say it again, y'all...
Incidentally...
...if you're the individual who's been doing web searches on Google, Yahoo, Google.uk, and search.cometsystems.com (whatever that is) for "foreign embassy" for the last two weeks, please email me, because I'd love to know what in the world you're looking for.
About Me
Yes, this is about me. If you don't want to read it, feel free to go somewhere else.
Who / what am I? For those of you who don't know me...
I'm a screenwriter. I also fix and sell computers for a living, but primarily, I'm a screenwriter. If you want to read something I've written, email me and we'll work something out.
I live in a townhouse in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn. Al Capone was married in my parish church. The bakery down the street makes a pastrami-and-cheese bread that has to be tasted to be believed. I've lived in New York for the last five years, and I love this town. I also hate it sometimes, but that's to be expected.
I'm engaged to a beautiful girl who I love more than life itself, and who makes me happier than I ever thought possible. I can watch her sleep and be content with the world.
I love movies. I love film. I love motion pictures. Whatever you want to call it, someday I'll make it for a living, God willing and the creek don't rise.
I've been lucky enough to work with (and be friends with, and live with, and love) people who love film as much as I do, and who want to make films as much as I do. And someday, you will know us by the images we burn into your brain.
Anyway. That's all I have to say for now.
[Incidentally, one of the great joys of having your own website is being able to say whatever the hell you want. You should try it sometime.]
I Wish I Was Bulletproof
 | "The BMW 760Li High Security meets the requirements of the German Federal Crime Office for security vehicles used by the German Government (B6/B7). It is therefore able to withstand even attacks with explosives or bullets of the armour-breaking 7.62x54R API calibre often used by terrorist organisations. To meet this supreme standard, the 760Li High Security has gone through elaborate firing and other tests conducted by a German bullet and firing inspection authority." |
Speaking of BMWs, when I rule the world, THIS is the car I will drive.
Just a tip, folks!
When visiting Tekserve, please remember NOT to:
• Park illegally
• Leave your keys in the car
• Leave your baby in the car
• Lock the illegally-parked car with your keys and your baby inside
• Lock the illegally-parked car with your keys and your baby inside when driving a BMW X5 Sports Activity Vehicle (with special central locking and alarm system!), requiring five police officers, an ambulance, and a NYPD Special Services truck to open the vehicle
Just a friendly reminder!