July 2004 Archives

I haven't had a stereo in six years. My last stereo died my last year in school, after trying to process one too many beer-splattered Dave Matthews CDs, and after that, since I was heading straight to New York with a duffel bag filled with books and clothes, I went without. A Discman and some crappy double-A powered mini-speakers supplied my music. It was tough, but we do what we can with the tools we're given. I survived. It didn't hurt that my roommate worked for Sony Pictures long enough to acquire a living-room stereo system that could shatter bone matter to powder.

Then I moved to Brooklyn, and listened to music on a small boombox that wouldn't even fit on your shoulder. Take it to the beach, and people would kick sand in your face. This thing couldn't shatter sugar cubes. But it did okay.

Now, with the introduction of this, and this, I have taken a quantum leap forward in the field of home audio entertainment. My desktop computer, which has long since become the repository for more than half the CDs I own (which is saying a lot, as I probably own close to a thousand), has failed miserably as a home stereo system, due to its less-than-central location in the office at the back of the house. But now, through the introduction of Airport Express and the bona-fide miracle of wireless technology, music will flow through my house like the Santa Ana winds, transmitted from my computer, through my Airport Base Station, to the Airport Express, then digitally transfered via optical cable to one kick-ass home theater system, before which I can sit and bask in 750-watt 5.1 stereo surround sound.

Now, if I can figure out a way to control the whole shebang with my laptop, I'll be all set.

And now, for no reason whatsoever, the lyrics to Bruce Springsteen's "Incident on 57th Street"...

Spanish Johnny drove in from the underworld last night
With bruised arms and broken rhythm in a beat-up old Buick
But dressed just like dynamite
He tried sellin' his heart to the hard girls over on Easy Street
But they sighed "Johnny it falls apart so easy and you know hearts these days are cheap"
And the pimps swung their axes and said "Johnny you're a cheater."
Well the pimps swung their axes and said "Johnny you're a liar"
And from out of the shadows came a young girl's voice said: "Johnny don't cry"
Puerto Rican Jane, oh won't you tell me what's your name.
I want to drive you down to the other side of town where paradise ain't so crowded, there'll be action goin' down on Shanty Lane tonight
All them golden-heeled fairies in a real bitch fight
Pull .38s and kiss the girls good night

Jane moves over to share her pillow but opens her eyes to see Johnny up and putting his clothes on
She says "Those romantic young boys
All they ever want to do is fight"
Those romantic young boys
They're callin' through the window
"Hey Spanish Johnny, you want to make a little easy money tonight?"
And Johnny whispered:
Good night, it's all tight Jane
I'll meet you tomorrow night on Lover's Lane
We may find it out on the street tonight baby
Or we may walk until the daylight maybe...

While going through the books on my shelves, I came across a copy of something I wrote a couple years ago. Six years ago, actually, a story I did up for a creative writing class I was taking my last year of college, when I actually had a chance to take classes that didn't involve structural engineering and soil mechanics and thermodynamics. There's a note scrawled on the copy from my creative writing professor, telling me to submit it to the school's literary magazine, The Red Wheelbarrow, which I did. They printed it, which makes it, I suppose, my first piece of published fiction. I'm throwing it up here because I was surprised to find, on rereading, that I'm not embarrassed of it, and actually rather proud of it. And because I can. So give it a read, if you like.

And yes, I was reading a lot of James Lee Burke at the time. So sue me.

In honor of The Best News Ever (see the sidebar), I must link to this somewhat dated but astoundingly hilarious news article from MTV's website, which includes some of the best one-liners to ever see publication, including -

"In a pair of lengthy voice mails the singer left with the paper, Stapp said that what fans mistook for him passing out onstage during the song 'Who's Got My Back' was actually a piece of rock and roll theater in which he lay down to make a point."

- and -

"'The motion basically argues that you can't bring a lawsuit against a band for sucking,' said Daniel J. Voelker, attorney for the disgruntled fans, 'that this is a subjective issue.'"

- and -

"'We apologize if you don't feel that the show was up to the very high standards set by our previous shows in Chicago,' a note on Creed's Web site read. 'For now we hope that you can take some solace in the fact that you definitely experienced the most unique of all Creed shows and may have become part of the unusual world of rock and roll history!'"

Yes, I'm aware that the news is a bit dated, but you'll have to excuse me, as I haven't seen MTV2 News in eight months, my subscription to the Sunday Los Angeles Times only kicked in recently, and I'm a couple issues behind with my sole other news source, The New Yorker, which may not have regarded this particular item as worthy of note, anyway. But I'm currently taking resumes for an assistant who could keep on top of these things.